its been a long time. i started this journal and i neglected it, just like i knew i would. im sorry. who am i even apologizing to? i dont even know. it doesnt matter. im sitting outside at almost 5 in the morning and this is the only time i have to write and its pathetic. i actually have nothing to say, i feel like writing out what i want to say is too time consuming, how disgusting is that? its almost 5 am and all i can think about is how shitty of a mother im being for staying up late drinking while my husband sleeps and waits for the baby to wake up. fuck. i told him ill get the baby, but that doesnt even matter at this point, im up drinking and i feel like an asshole for having time to myself. ok thats it, i cant write anymore im already done. what a wasted entry.
fuck me i cant even write anymore? have i lost that much of myself? it sickens me to think that that is true. but i guess it is. ill save my thoughts for my brain when im trying to sleep. shit.